Murphy feels like that constantly--he thinks the phrase 'this is fucking stupid' is ingrained in his DNA somehow, if it even works like that.He does know he wants Raven. That's something that, while he does think about it quite often, he knows will never happen. He shot the girl--made her a cripple--and now he's sitting there, sharing a room, just staring.
It's just like Murphy to think he's got a chance. It's also just like Murphy to simultaneously squash that thought down, so far to the back of his head that he acts not with tenderness towards her, but with sarcastic quips. Raven hates him anyway, and the only reason they're sharing a spot is because no one will bunk with Murphy--ever the social pariah--and Raven was too tired to give a shit who they stuck her with.
She's asleep but Murphy is up, wide awake, guiltiness never quite letting him close his eyes for long around her. He takes in her hair, the shape of her nose--the dimmest light in the dark hits her just right and Murphy will never admit it, but he smiles.
He wants that. He wants her. John Murphy has fucked up any chance he ever had (not that there was one in the first place) by raining down lead that day in the dropship, and still he finds himself moving to her sleeping form, as quiet as ever, and looks down at her.
Beautiful. She'd be even more gorgeous if Murphy wasn't well aware what he was doing was absolutely fucking creepy. Hs hand has a mind of it's own--slowly, carefully, fingertips brush soft cheek. This is as close to her arms around her as he can get. He'll take it. ]
[ to lose her leg has been a blow. it's been akin to blowing up a bridge, losing that function of being able to cross from point a to point b. raven needs her legs on the ground to not only carry her when she needs to flee, but to support her when she needs to stand. ]
[ these days, she's leaning on something. ]
[ raven's not necessarily a light sleeper, but on the ground she's become one. the smallest movement outside of her tent would wake her up. a sneeze would see her eyes snap wide open, and sometimes she'd fall right back into her dreamless sleep. inside of arkadia, it's become even worse. the pain that's settled in her hip keeps her awake for days at a time, only letting her drift off as she's too tired to keep her eyes open. there's some days where she can sleep deeply and dream, and sometimes she's out in space, floating amongst her starry kin. sometimes she's out on that field with finn, and more often than not, she's walking around arkadia with two good legs, and finds when she awakens that her reality is truly the nightmare. ]
[ tonight she sleeps lightly. when she feels a slight pressure on her face, she remains still. self-preservation kicks in a lot these days, and raven's learned to follow her gut when it tells her not to fire back like a bomb. remaining still, only her eyelashes flutter, and then she waits, trying to figure this out. ]
[ it smells like murphy. she always associates him with smoke, like a phoenix that's chosen to rise from the ashes and try and do good. she's seen it, even if he hasn't, and she hates him for being the only person she feels comfortable enough to be her true unhappy self around. ]
[ she thinks about biting his head off (and quite literally his finger), but she remains still. instead, she decides to hum, and keeps her eyes closed. she's not much of a talker in her sleep, but he has to have been woken numerous times from her own screams. it's believable enough that she'd react, even when "asleep." ]
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slams into this
Murphy feels like that constantly--he thinks the phrase 'this is fucking stupid' is ingrained in his DNA somehow, if it even works like that.He does know he wants Raven. That's something that, while he does think about it quite often, he knows will never happen. He shot the girl--made her a cripple--and now he's sitting there, sharing a room, just staring.
It's just like Murphy to think he's got a chance. It's also just like Murphy to simultaneously squash that thought down, so far to the back of his head that he acts not with tenderness towards her, but with sarcastic quips. Raven hates him anyway, and the only reason they're sharing a spot is because no one will bunk with Murphy--ever the social pariah--and Raven was too tired to give a shit who they stuck her with.
She's asleep but Murphy is up, wide awake, guiltiness never quite letting him close his eyes for long around her. He takes in her hair, the shape of her nose--the dimmest light in the dark hits her just right and Murphy will never admit it, but he smiles.
He wants that. He wants her. John Murphy has fucked up any chance he ever had (not that there was one in the first place) by raining down lead that day in the dropship, and still he finds himself moving to her sleeping form, as quiet as ever, and looks down at her.
Beautiful. She'd be even more gorgeous if Murphy wasn't well aware what he was doing was absolutely fucking creepy. Hs hand has a mind of it's own--slowly, carefully, fingertips brush soft cheek. This is as close to her arms around her as he can get. He'll take it. ]
no subject
[ to lose her leg has been a blow. it's been akin to blowing up a bridge, losing that function of being able to cross from point a to point b. raven needs her legs on the ground to not only carry her when she needs to flee, but to support her when she needs to stand. ]
[ these days, she's leaning on something. ]
[ raven's not necessarily a light sleeper, but on the ground she's become one. the smallest movement outside of her tent would wake her up. a sneeze would see her eyes snap wide open, and sometimes she'd fall right back into her dreamless sleep. inside of arkadia, it's become even worse. the pain that's settled in her hip keeps her awake for days at a time, only letting her drift off as she's too tired to keep her eyes open. there's some days where she can sleep deeply and dream, and sometimes she's out in space, floating amongst her starry kin. sometimes she's out on that field with finn, and more often than not, she's walking around arkadia with two good legs, and finds when she awakens that her reality is truly the nightmare. ]
[ tonight she sleeps lightly. when she feels a slight pressure on her face, she remains still. self-preservation kicks in a lot these days, and raven's learned to follow her gut when it tells her not to fire back like a bomb. remaining still, only her eyelashes flutter, and then she waits, trying to figure this out. ]
[ it smells like murphy. she always associates him with smoke, like a phoenix that's chosen to rise from the ashes and try and do good. she's seen it, even if he hasn't, and she hates him for being the only person she feels comfortable enough to be her true unhappy self around. ]
[ she thinks about biting his head off (and quite literally his finger), but she remains still. instead, she decides to hum, and keeps her eyes closed. she's not much of a talker in her sleep, but he has to have been woken numerous times from her own screams. it's believable enough that she'd react, even when "asleep." ]
[ she murmurs, ] That feels nice.